Indulgence, BrutalityI am sacrilege. I am talons and fury.Indulgence, Brutality by TheTerrorOfTheDeep
Savagery with your heartbeat between my teeth.
Scars are not enough.
I will not be an ache in your knee when rain is coming
Or smooth bumps of skin healed over.
I am brain damage and blindness.
Wrist deep in your guts and battery acid in your veins.
There is something sensual about vehicular arson
And spit and blood from the corner of your lips.
You will wish you had not survived.
I may not be missed when I’m gone,
But I will never be forgotten.
this is about forgettingThis is the thing about forgetting:
for all intensive purposesi am accused of being
LW: (title page - epigraph)"Camus said that the only true function of man, born into an absurd world, is to live, be aware of one's life, one's revolt, one's freedom. He said that if the only solution to the human dilemma is death, then we are on the wrong road. The right track is the one that leads to life, to sunlight. One cannot unceasingly suffer from the cold. […] The track he followed led into the sunlight in being that one devoted to making with our frail powers and our absurd material, something which had not existed in life until we made it."- William Faulkner
Bee's Pre-SmutHis hand warmed her skin as he gently stroked the soft skin on the inside of her thigh. Her body tingled when his fingers danced across the material of her panties. She wiggled her bottom to reveal a bit more flesh. She watched his eyes flash down at her movement. The smirk was all the approval she needed.
Behind Blue EyesShe lay on her bed, unable to even get out of it and walk around her own home. Having had visitors most of the day, she was grateful for the peace and quiet her empty room gave her.
edgea bundle of nerves and feelings
You're Beautiful, But I'll Make BreakfastAlice swayed her body to the side and slithered off Paddy, pulling the sheet along with her. He watched her head fall back onto the pillow next to him. Her twisted brown hair covering her face slightly. Rolling onto his side, Paddy's hand swept the hair from her face. He let the backs of his fingers brush against her cheek while his other hand gripped her waist and yanked her body closer to his own. “You're beautiful.” His voice was barely a whisper with just a hint of an Irish accent. Everyone in his family had it. They teased that it was the only thing they had left from the old country.
How about that. Another journal and it's only been like two days. Or a week. Or some amount of time I don't feel is important enough to actually reference.
As you may wonder, or rather curse the heavens as to why I am exposing you to another dose of terror so soon, it's because I am bored. And frankly I am disappointed in you if you expected anything else.
I mean sure, I could do something productive like writing, or money making things, or chores, or self care, but I can't really think of anything specific and I mean the tab is already open, so...
Inspired by the ever inspiring IrrevocableFate this journal is one of those factoid journals. So here are a bunch things about me you never wanted to know and never asked for, mostly because you didn't want it.
I'm going to cut out any repeats or things I don't want there. Fight me.
Oh, and so I don't forget to do it at the end, here are the people I am tagging:
Rules I just made up:
1. Answer the questions. Or don't.
2. Tag some peeps. Or don't.
3. I don't give a fuck. What do I look like, your mother?
1. how old are you?
2. what's you're favorite color?
3. who's you're favorite Marvel character?
The Silver Surfer
4. who's you're favorite DC character
5. what's you're middle Initial?
6. Walmart or Target?
Target. Unless I'm paying. Than Wal-Mart.
7. what is your favorite food?
Sushi. Or pancakes.
8. what is your favorite number?
9. is there anyone on DA you have a crush on?
brassteeth. I can't even tag him. I have such an intense crush on his writing. It's almost hypocritical how much I admire him.
10. phone or computer?
1. what is your favorite non-anime show?
BBC Top Gear
Rick and Morty
Phineas and Ferb
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
2. who is your favorite anime character?
The Medicine Seller
3. which fictional character do you feel represents you the best?
Malloy from Brickleberry.
6. if you could choose your name, what would it be?
Something that inspires fear. I would have to think about it more than I am willing to for this question.
7. if you had a weird superpower, what would it be?
Erase myself from people's memories.
8. have you read something by Robert A. Heinlein?
9. say a word. just any word. I don't care what word, just as long as it's a word.
Fuck off. Two for the price of one.
Even more questions.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Drunkenly stumbling to check for mail around midnight last night.
11. When did you last laugh?
Maybe a minute ago. squeezelouise is so charming and witty. I can't help it.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Nothing that wasn't of my own making.
18. If you could change one thing about the world.
Me not having absolute power.
19. What do you want to learn in the future?
24. What do you want God to say when you reach the pearly gates?
"So how about I'm not sending you to hell even though you're a filthy heathen."
Guess what? More questions.
1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?
Don't by Ed Sheeran
Betty's Bombshell by Grouplove
Carry On by Fun.
Closer by Tegan and Sarah
Bad Girls by M.I.A.
Contact by Daft Punk
2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Myself. So I could punch me in my stupid face.
4: What do you think about most?
Overly elaborate accidents that could kill me. Is heroin really THAT bad?
5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?
Direct quote from Emily: "Well they kicked me out of the campaigns because I rip it hardcore like porno flick bitches"
7: What's your strangest talent?
Being a dick.
9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Shark Bark Bees KneesA rose is a rose is a rose is a rose,
And sometimes a bee is a shark,
With gossamer wings and a snicket sharp sting,
Her bite is much worse than her bark.
Her bark? you may say,
But a shark cannot bark,
and if a shark cannot bark,
Then this must be a lark,
A fanciful lark,
A walk in the park!
I cannot believe that a bee is a shark is a shark that can bark.
A shark is a shark is a shark is a bee,
Stripy and sleek, a sword of the sea,
In the sea she will swim, in the sky she will fly,
Watching your love with a glittering eye,
And in that eye a thousand of things,
Three hundred bites, three hundred stings,
Three hundred beats of silver-struck wings,
One hundred things especially for me,
One hundred things that you cannot see,
One hundred things you cannot guess,
One hundred things, perhaps even less.
One thing I know,
One thing I see,
Is that sharks make really spectacular bees.
11: Do you have any strange phobias?
14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
17: What was the last lie you told?
I don't know. Probably something on here? I lie a lot.
18: Do you believe in karma?
No. If I did I would probably not be as bad of a person
19: What does your URL mean?
It means I am The Terror of the Deep.
20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
If anything, I am just TOO kindhearted.
21: Who is your celebrity crush?
23: How do you vent your anger?
24: Do you have a collection of anything?
MTG cards and Pokemon games and grudges.
26: Are you happy with the person you've become?
No. The moment you are happy with who you are you have lost. D: <
28: What's your biggest "what if"?
Oh! I actually figured this out the other day. The whole "if you could change one thing" idea, but I forget.
29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
Ghosts and Aliens don't really fall in the same category. Ghosts are occult and aliens scifi, yeah? Aliens are statistically likely. Ghosts are implausible.
32: What's the worst place you have ever been to?
Um, well, in like seven more years I can talk about that.
35: To you, what is the meaning of life?
There isn't one.
36: Define Art.
That is way too much work than I am willing to put into this answer.
37: Do you believe in luck?
38: What's the weather like right now?
Raining maybe. Not near a window. I could google it. But it would probably be easier to look out a window. I am willing to do neither thing.
43: Do you have any nicknames?
46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Yes. And raised caterpillars.
47: Do you have any obsessions right now?
Only neurotic ones.
49: Ever had a rumor spread about you?
YES. Most of them were hilarious or I started them.
50: Do you believe in magic?
51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
Depends on the person, the intent, if I anticipated it, or how important it is to me. This seems like a broad question. So yes? I mean if they have done me wrong with malice, then I sometimes go out of my way to make their lives harder even if they did no damage to me in the end. It's a sense of betrayal of common decency.
52: What is your astrological sign?
53: Do you save money or spend it?
These questions are too black and white.
54: What's the last thing you purchased?
64: Where is your best friend?
In gnome land. Doing stupid gnome things.
67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?
If you reference an earlier answer, drunkenly checking the mail.
70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
Depends. Would I know my true nature? Are we friends by circumstances? I mean if knew someone as smart and funny and charming and good looking and thoughtful as me I would want to be their friend, if only to punch them in their stupid fucking face at a later date.
71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
Save the dog.
72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
A) Only those I need to orchestrate and execute my last great heist.
C) No more than usual.
73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
74: What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Twin Sized Mattress by The Front Bottoms. Gives me feels.
77: How can I win your heart?
Money and outrageous compliments.
79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
I wouldn't have the information to judge until my life is over. How can I know how any decision significant enough to remember would affect the rest of my life?
80: What size shoes do you wear?
8 1/2 or 9
81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
I don't want a tombstone.
84: What is a saying you say a lot?
"To each their own." I usually say it when I disagree with something.
85: What's the last song you listened to?
Some shitty indie cover.
87: What is your current desktop picture?
88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
So many. So so many. I would need a night of weighing pros and cons though.
89: What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
A lot of them.
90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Sell them. Keep one for the memories. Or two. Do mummies need friends?
91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
Absolute power over reality and omniscience.
Holy shit, look! More questions!
10. Summer or winter?
11. Rain or Sun?
Depends what I am doing at the time.
12. What's your favourite type of music?
Alternative rock or electric house, I suppose. Epic scores?
13. PC or Mac
14. Anime or Manga?
15. Coke or Pepsi?
16. Read or TV?
18. Name a talent.
One I have?
21. What are your top 3 favourite books?
1. Fletch by Gregory McDonald
2. Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
3. Abhorsen Trilogy by Garth Nix
23. Name 3 of your favourite bands/singers.
25. Do you like Denny's?
I used to play board games there at 3 am when my life was a wreck. Life is still a wreck just less board games and less Denny's.
27. What is your favourite type of pie?
28. Have you ever stayed up for 24 hours?
HA. Every other waking time is over 24 hours.
29. Do you go on DA a lot?
Yeah. At least once a day. Usually more.
30. Are you a member on any other sites besides DA?
So many sites. All the sites.
33. Buttered, plain, or salted popcorn?
Fuck popcorn. I hate you. I hate popcorn. I have eaten more popcorn than anybody should have to.
34. Have you skipped school?
35. Have you been on a plane?
36. Have you swam in an ocean?
Yes. I wanted to love it. When someone was distracting me from thinking about germs and fish poop it was nice.
37. Have you been ice skating?
Once every five years or so. I can't claim to be good at it.
38. Favourite sport?
To play or watch? I like swimming, but germs. I would like to try shuffle board maybe? To watch, hockey.
39. Ever been on TV?
Nope. I like to keep a low profile. I don't like people knowing my name or my face.
40. Favourite salad and dressing?
41. What do you do to relax?
42. What is the last film you saw in the theatre?
Cinderella. Last movie I paid for I cannot remember. Got an in with the theater peeps.
43. Favourite Sandwich?
Are Big Macs sandwiches?
44. If you could go anywhere in the world…
TO MY GNOME.
45. Favourite time of the day?
When I am sleeping.
46. What did you want to be when you were little?
Part of the Mighty Handful.
47. What do you want to be now?
48. If you could eat with one person, who would it be?
Gnome. I would order two meals for myself. One delicious and one with lots of gross little pieces to throw at her and infect her plate.
49. What character would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
Depends if they are aware of who I am.
50. When is your birthday?
51. Favourite type of ice cream?
Bruster's Birthday Cake Ice Cream. Is Bruster's still open?
52. Last book you read?
Paradise Lost by John Milton
53. Which store would you max out a credit card at?
None. That would be insane. How would I pay that back? I am so poor.
54. Do you buy / sell / both on eBay?
E-bay refused to let me make an account. Probably for the best.
55. What is the most annoying thing people ask you?
"What do you mean?"
56. Favourite all time movie?
Pan's Labyrinth maybe?
57. What was your favourite show when you were a kid?
Digimon. (FORGIVE ME, ARCEUS)
58. What are you listening to right now?
My brother shouting into his microphone while playing Destiny.
59. What is the last thing you ate?
60. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?
61. What is the first thing you notice about another person?
Their stance and tone of voice.
62. Favourite sport to play?
"How badly can I piss this person off in the least amount of time."
63. Favourite Day of the Year?
First time you can smell the frost.
64. Hugs or Kisses?
Neither. Don't fucking touch me.
65. Vanilla or Chocolate?
66. Favourite Board Game?
67. Favourite smells?
68. What inspires you?
69. Do you have any piercings?
I did. I left earrings out for a month and my ear piercings closed after eleven years.
70. How many siblings do you have?
71. Bacon Bits or Croutons?
72. Favourite Day of the Week?
73. Favourite phrase?
To hear "You can have anything you want."
To say "What do you think this is, some sort of charity?"
74. Favourite Restaurant?
Jimmy Wan's, maybe.
75. Favourite animal?
Some sort of snake probably. Oh! And pangolins. And humpback whales.
76. Favourite thing to do outside?
Look at stars.
77. Favourite thing to do when it's raining?
Depends on the air and temperature.
78. Favourite Disney character?
Lilo & Stitch. Hades.
If we're ever in a some sort of scifi spy thriller and you need confirmation that I am who I say I am, don't ask these questions because it is very likely that the preceding events have changed me in drastic ways.