Sometimes I replenish my whiskey bottles with water And swirl it around. I drink up To make sure I didn’t miss a single drop of that alcohol. Diluted or not, I ache for it.
But not as much as I ache for you. I would rinse you out and sip all of your insides. Then I would drag your skeleton out of your skin. Help me. Worm your way free.
I would jumble our bones together. Mix us up. Not so we would be two with replaced bones. No, I want us to have four arms, four legs. I want, I want us to have two heads and a long twisted spine Of vertebrate upon vertebrate. I want us to clank out hollow sounds When we come rambling along. Our ribcages would be split and spread. No longer cages, but wings of rib bones. Your hips would jut against mine And our fingers would intertwine.
Our skin would not go to waste, Oh no. Instead, we would tear them to shreds And weave them together. We could nest on them. With all our empty bottles.
I'm not much of a poet, but I do love writing and found your piece to be both romantic and wonderfully dark which is a bit of a new twist for me.
I loved the repetition of the word Grief. It acted as a nice little transition for the rest of your poem.
There were only two lines of your whole piece that struck me as not quite fitting with the rest of the language you used. "No, I want us to have four arms, four legs. I want, I want us to have two heads and a long twisted spine".
It's only two lines so it's not that jarring, but they don't quite have the allure of the rest of the poem. I mean, "wings of rib bone?" How do you even think of that? That's both beautiful and dark and creepy at the same time.
Honestly, this was a really interesting piece. Good job.
This is phenomenal! The pacing of this poem is perfect. It drags you along and catches your breath in your throat at all the right places.
I love that you make your ache tangible. I can feel it in my chest when I read. I feel like I've swallowed glass and my throat aches.
The idea that two can become one in such a manner is artistry at its best. I get the most beautiful aching images of this. Superb imagery. I can picture every bit of the two becoming one beautiful fulfilled creature. (and perhaps a bit terrifying but what is life without a bit of ugly every once in a while?)
If I had to pick one thing to improve on (because I feel like I have to since this is my failed attempt at a critique)... I would jumble our bones together. Mix us up. Not so we would be two with replaced bones.
I would change the first bones with skeletons or something. I don't like the two "bones" used so closely together. (=
Welcome to another
feature is People
created with all
types of traditional
mediums. Enjoy the
show and show some
love to these
d by Sserenita see
"In art, what we
want is the
certainty that one
spark of original
genius shall not be
the Artist c.
1878Mary Cassatt was
born in Allegheny
City (now part of
Pennslyvania, USA on
May 23, 1844. Her
giving Mary the a...
was a French painter
who came to
prominence in the
1860's and 70's. His
to other artists at
the time and was an
important part of
the transition from
the Realism to
uard Manet, 1874Born
Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More