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:icontheterrorofthedeep: More from TheTerrorOfTheDeep


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November 11, 2012
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Sometimes I replenish my whiskey bottles with water
And swirl it around. I drink up
To make sure I didn’t miss a single drop of that alcohol.
Diluted or not, I ache for it.

Grief.

But not as much as I ache for you.
I would rinse you out and sip all of your insides.
Then I would drag your skeleton out of your skin.
Help me. Worm your way free.

Grief,

My love.

I would jumble our bones together. Mix us up.
Not so we would be two with replaced bones.
No, I want us to have four arms, four legs. I want,
I want us to have two heads and a long twisted spine
Of vertebrate upon vertebrate.
I want us to clank out hollow sounds
When we come rambling along.
Our ribcages would be split and spread.
No longer cages, but wings of rib bones.
Your hips would jut against mine
And our fingers would intertwine.

Grief,

My love,

Never leave.

Our skin would not go to waste,
Oh no.
Instead, we would tear them to shreds
And weave them together.
We could nest on them.
With all our empty bottles.
I couldn't sleep for all the wakefulness. So I wrote this poem. I'd steal the bones for my own, but I thought I'd ask first. I'm jumping your bones, *linaket.

*goes back to sobbing and cuddling an empty Jameson bottle*
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-01-28
:icontalesmith:
I'm not much of a poet, but I do love writing and found your piece to be both romantic and wonderfully dark which is a bit of a new twist for me.

I loved the repetition of the word Grief. It acted as a nice little transition for the rest of your poem.

There were only two lines of your whole piece that struck me as not quite fitting with the rest of the language you used.
"No, I want us to have four arms, four legs. I want,
I want us to have two heads and a long twisted spine".

It's only two lines so it's not that jarring, but they don't quite have the allure of the rest of the poem. I mean, "wings of rib bone?" How do you even think of that? That's both beautiful and dark and creepy at the same time.

Honestly, this was a really interesting piece. Good job.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconhfeather53:
This is phenomenal!
The pacing of this poem is perfect. It drags you along and catches your breath in your throat at all the right places.

I love that you make your ache tangible. I can feel it in my chest when I read. I feel like I've swallowed glass and my throat aches.

The idea that two can become one in such a manner is artistry at its best. I get the most beautiful aching images of this. Superb imagery. I can picture every bit of the two becoming one beautiful fulfilled creature. (and perhaps a bit terrifying but what is life without a bit of ugly every once in a while?)

If I had to pick one thing to improve on (because I feel like I have to since this is my failed attempt at a critique)...
I would jumble our bones together. Mix us up.
Not so we would be two with replaced bones.


I would change the first bones with skeletons or something. I don't like the two "bones" used so closely together. (=

Fantastic piece <3
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconworldwar-tori:
WorldWar-Tori Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014   General Artist
:wave:  I just wanted to let you know you've been featured in Awesome Art II!
Have a great day Little Pixel Heart
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:icontheterrorofthedeep:
TheTerrorOfTheDeep Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014
Thank you! :tighthug:
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:iconworldwar-tori:
WorldWar-Tori Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2014   General Artist
you're welcome :huggle:
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:iconfangirl-gone-hyper:
FanGirl-Gone-Hyper Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Eerily beautiful.
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:icontheterrorofthedeep:
TheTerrorOfTheDeep Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014
:iconcblushplz: Thank you.
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:iconthestoragegnome:
TheStorageGnome Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014
Perfection. :heart:
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:icontheterrorofthedeep:
TheTerrorOfTheDeep Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014
NO YOU.
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:iconworldwar-tori:
WorldWar-Tori Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2014   General Artist
This is amazing;
I love the imagery and descriptions;
it all pieces together so perfectly
and makes a sense to me that I understand..

I don't think I've ever thought this about poetry so much as I wish I could draw well
because it paints such a perfect image in my head, which is awesome.

Congratulations on the DD, very well deserved :heart:
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:icontheterrorofthedeep:
TheTerrorOfTheDeep Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014
Thank you, thank you thank you! :la:
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:iconworldwar-tori:
WorldWar-Tori Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014   General Artist
You're welcome :heart:
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